The worst part about…what? everyday I wonder what the hell I am doing, do I love my job, no, but I do enjoy it. Most of the times my job consists of breathing in and out and reminding myself I would not like prison. There are days I wonder if I was supposed to do something different with my life. What was it that was planned for me, if anything?
I have been trying to put my degree to good use for a couple years now, but to very little advancement and very little monetary gain. As the pay in social services is deplorable. There is very little reward to my job, most days I feel like a glorified babysitter. There are many days when I ask myself if this is what I want to be doing everyday for the rest of my life…and I think “oh, hell no!!” I dread going to work most days, and am in constant fear that something I said will be taken out of context or misconstrued. Most days I get frustrated lately because I am not being heard, whether by a client or staff. Most of the time it is by a client, they either talk over me, ignore me, or plain just don’t care what I have to say. I should just shut up and let them make their own mistakes. However on the other hand, the rest of my clients will suffer because one client does not want to listen. It aggravates me so much.
I often wonder what else I can do with my life. I want to be something I am just not sure what. Should I just go back to school and get my Master’s, but in what? I have no idea what I could be interested in. i thought I was interested in Criminal Justice and as such got my degree in it. But turns out, a CJ BA is bullshit, and not very useful.
I have always wanted to write, write what, I have no idea, but I want to write. I always have, I just have no idea what to write about. I have no stories or voices running round in my head. No ideas. I just love to write, I wish I could be a writer. I know everyone would probably say write about anything or write what you know. But, I know retail and dealing with teenage boys, and that is about it. Not sure what I could do with that. Something funny? Something serious? Something dramatic?
I have always preferred getting a writing prompt and taking it from there. I struggle with having ideas of my own. I have also wondered about how to come up with an idea of my own, something true to me and my passions. But my passions dont exist, or at least I haven’t found them yet.
My passions: ancient history, archaeology, paranormal anything, fashion for others, organizing, giving advice, cleaning, homeopathic’s. And that might be it, not sure but I have to go to work now.